Un-Frequently Asked Questions (UnFAQ):
Q: What is this? What's an Unevent?
A: It's an event that you don't attend. No one comes. It's unbelievably great.
Q: What is the point of this?
A: Mostly to stay home and do whatever you want for a day, instead of getting all ready to go out and attend an actual in-person event. It'll probably be snowing, a lot. But really, it's to support work in hunger relief, homeless outreach, financial empowerment, and so much more that we do, thanks to your contributions. We need your financial gifts to continue to provide these programs to people that need them, way, way, way more than we need some fancy event or a chocolate fountain.
Q: When is this so-called non-event?
A: The UNevent will take place March 10th, 2018.
Q: How do I engage, be part of this, sign-up, attend, RSVP, etc.?
A: Just clear your calendar. Here are all of the things we do not want you to do:
finding a sitter
have you seen my keys anywhere
scraping ice off the windshield
getting stuck at three red lights
forgetting your phone at home so now you have to go back
shaking our hands
is this decaf or regular
paying attention to a presentation
getting back home afterwards
We want you to dedicate all of that time to whatever it is that makes you most relaxed and happiest. Netflix. Coloring. Warm blankets. We don't know you that well, so fill in whatever it is. Also, take two minutes and make a donation to support Community Action House.
Q: Where did you get this idea?
A: We found this idea on the internet. Which is where you are, right now! Isn't it great? Aren't you excited to do nothing? And to support a great cause while you don't do anything?
Q: What if I want to attend an actual event?
A: Well, then let me tell you about our extra special *Winter Warrior Package™. We'll be meeting at a secret location in Holland which will be released the day of the Unevent, where you'll find a couple of us doing not-so-secret unofficial Community Action House fundraising things, and you're welcome to join if you really want to show the Michigan Weather that it is not the boss of you. We'll probably stick your face on the Facebook page if you do show up, though, so be prepared. Send us an email if you're just dying to know. Or, you know, just un-un-event from Facebook.
Q: This is such a great un-event, and I want to donate right now!
A: Well first of all, that's not an actual question. Second, of course you do! Click here to contribute. We'll put your name on the wall (if you want) and then you can go about doing whatever it is you want to do on March 10.
Q: Do I have to go donate online?
A: You can go here to learn how give without the internet being involved at all. You can even mix and match. We're all about options.
Q: I have more questions. How do I get answers?
A: Well, if they're questions about the Unevent, or about Community Action House in general, you can email them here and we'll get back to you shortly. If they're questions like the meaning of life or whether how to make the perfect omelette, maybe not so much.
Q: What's this "wall" I keep hearing about?
A: It's where we're putting up all of the people unattending the Unevent that also checked the "Put me on the wall" box when they donated. You can see it here. If you have FOMO, have no fear, it just takes two minutes to go donate and check the box on the form that says "Put me on the wall".
Q: Does everyone get put on the the Unevent Wall if they donate?
A: This is an entirely optional option for those that choose to have their name put on the wall. No pressure. Really.
Q: Where is the Unevent Wall?
A: You can find it at https://www.communityactionhouse.org/thewall. Please note that it may take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours for your name to appear on the wall after you go donate, but we promise it'll go on there. First we have to make sure that we spelled your name right before we send it off to the great internet printer in the sky which then beams it down back to earth, past an electric sportscar in space, and back onto our virtual wall. Somehow, Elon Musk is involved.
Q: How do I get a certificate?
A: You mean this one? Go Donate. Unattend. It'll be sent to your email. If you check the box to put you on the wall, we'll put it on the wall too.
Q: Who wrote this UnFAQ (UnFrequently Asked Questions)?
A: David Lee did. And he wants you to know that we do not really have a trademark on the *Winter Warrior Package™. We're not even sure if that is trademarkable. Also, he is not jumping in a lake.